Accepting Single Motherhood

I am in deep shit right now. deciding as to be a single mom and fight and raise my child alone who just turned a year old. Yes, its the same old story of him having another woman, which I find very hard to accept since we already have a child whom he had asked me to be named after him. Pain is the only thing that is coming out of my entirety and its eating evry inch of me minute by minute. I never envisioned it to be this way. I always pictured that my family would be my son, his father and me happily raising a son was my only dream and now this? So where do this go from now? Should I let go? Or fight for my son? Because if I wont who will? But if i leave the father who will be his dad then? What should I tell him when he stars asking me questions? Is it really that difficult to accept fatherhood? Was it that easy to let go of your own meat and blood for a moment of satisfaction? How does he do that? Why cant I? and yet he is the one thriving wiwth time, independence and happiness, and yet I am here, in pain, alone, shattered, dumbfounded, dead. The only reason why I am trying to stand up is because of my son but he is the same reason I become weak because he is the same reason why I cant forget his father, the person I have built my whole world with. so where do this go from here? Until when should I let things to be this way? I am in pain and I just wanted to shut down but obviously I cant. not now. not ever.